and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
