my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
