maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
