At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
