Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
