Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
