god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
