I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Every concussion has its silver lining
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just forgot I was standing up.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
