my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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