He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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