Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
