Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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