Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Sorry my hands just texted you
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
