she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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