he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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