dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
