i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
