Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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