i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
