Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
