I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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