dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize