of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
