girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize