Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
