HIV tests are more positive than that guy
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
