Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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