Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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