As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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