You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
