Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
