I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize