I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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