i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
