Fuck appropriateness.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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