Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize