What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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