Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Randomize
