i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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