watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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