A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize