I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
