1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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