I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
