I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
