The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
