Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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