My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Jerry, you need to find god
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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