My room smells like vodka and shame
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize