Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
