Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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