we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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