I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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