Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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