I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My life is pants optional.
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