I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
