I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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