return my video game
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
