at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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