Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
