Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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