Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
