hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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