Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Randomize
