I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
