I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
