my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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