her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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