And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
