C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
3 2 1 whiskey
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
