we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I still have a little drunk in my system
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
